Entropy of Time

Looked at a calender today, I've been here almost two months! In that time I've experienced some of Japan, memorable sights and memorable experiences. I've studied, I've gone hiking, I've met people, but it hasn't been enough. I am not happy with how my studio work has been progressing. I still feel distracted, stuck in the planning stage of so many ideas and not following through.

What holds me back? I do it on purpose, watch a little video here, read something on the web, do a google search about something random, and the hours fritter away. Is it my environment? Should I look around through eyes of feng shui? I used to think so. I had so much stuff in Boston, accumulated ideas, materials, things of interest, and where there is missing space to store a physical 'object', how can storage of the 'idea' be any different? Does clutter lead to chaos, or can chaos form it's own system? Many people say they have their 'own' system for organization, for doing things, and they would be right. But some systems work better than others; maybe mine is not working, and maybe it never has.

Back to my studio work. I haven't felt as comfortable working in my studio here as I used to at MassArt. Sitting at a table, instead of having a semi-enclosed area to work in, that could be one reason, but it is not the whole reason. It is also ownership. At MassArt, that studio space was mine, I felt like I could change my idea anytime, make mistakes, make a mess, become a mess, and it didn't really matter. Randomly writing BANANA DECAF MOTHER in big bold letters and drawing the shredded remains of a latex glove come to mind as 'lets give myself the giggles' play. I have not felt that way here. In my studio, which is also the classroom, I never know who will come in, but I do know they are more than likely to look over my shoulder, curious about what I am doing. Or examine my work when I'm not there. I'm sure much of this is just paranoia, I stand up with the work I do, but I know my status at the school, I'm an oddity and a curiosity, everyone wants to see what I do, and sometimes that makes it hard to concentrate. The fact that I've been copying work off/on to practice brush control does not help, because I don't really feel that it's my work. On top of that, if I want to work in the studio after 6, or on the weekends, I need to get approval via a form I fill out!